blog 16: i don’t know
I remember the time my aunt was diagnosed with cancer. Ugh I loved her so much. She was my entire childhood. When I think of being little she is in every part of it. We were neighbors growing up. As I got older we would cook. laugh and just have the best time singing oldies and dancing in her kitchen. She was just the most beautiful person. Never ever did I see my aunt lose her cool and get angry. She was always smiling, always positive, always loving. When she got cancer it was a surprise to us. And everything starting happening super quick. My uncle called my dad asking if we could come pray for her. Of course we said yes.
When we arrived, her side of the family was already there. Lots of them (which I never knew) were very strong Christians. We all took turns praying over her, laying hands, and quoting scripture. You could feel the presence of God in the room.
I remember talking to God on my drive home after praying for her one night. I was crying and asking Him to heal her. I was really really believing for a miracle.
This was my request to him :
“Lord I know you can do it. I know you’re who you say you are , a healer , a miracle worker. Please heal her. I don’t want to be made out to be a liar Lord because I know you can do it!”
In the end she passed away a few months later. I was left with the empty, heart wrenching question ..WHY!?
I don’t know…
I’ve found in my walk, that sometimes the answer is “I don’t know”. I’ve had many season and situations happen where I thought WHY!? Why Jesus!? The thing I came to realize is this, that God says…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
I know it’s a hard thing to do, to stop and come to the realization that He knows better than me. Especially in such distress and turmoil. But Gods word is true, He is who He says He is. He is good. Knowing that the Lord has seen us through some of the hardest situations can give us faith that He will see us through again and again. Even if the outcome was not what we wanted or were expecting.
These ways and thoughts are so hard to understand for a nonbeliever.
It doesn’t add up, it doesn’t make sense. How can such a loving God do these things they ask? How can He allow these things to take place?
But they can never come to understand until they truly know Jesus.
In death the Bible says :
“Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.”2 Corinthians 5:8
Apart from death there are really hard things we go through in life. Maybe a betrayal of a spouse, a financial burden that doesn’t seem to lift or it could be a battle in the mind that is constant.
We again are left to ask why?
I don’t know why God allows things to happen . But what I do know is that..
“We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
AND
James 1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Nothing is for nothing with Jesus. Even the worse things in life are to draw us closer to Jesus. And in return, we grow in our faith. We grow in knowing our Creator. And we are able to comfort those who go through the same trials as we have.
”3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If you find yourself asking God why? That’s okay. Sometimes its okay to not know the answer. It’s okay to say “I don’t know”, but remember to stand on what you do know.
I pray that if you’re going through the season of WHY? That these scriptures will be an anchor for your soul. That you would lean in to them and allow them to pierce your your heart and take root for your soul.
My hope and prayer is that you would leave this blog feeling confident in the I don’t know. Because even when we don’t know we can have confidence that the Savior, the Comforter, the Redeemer, the Healer, the GREAT I AM knows what He’s doing.
I hope this spoke to you friends, I love you!
ONE LOVE
